Note: As ads are used to drive traffic to your website where you capture email addresses. It is important to write persuasive ads that get the click. In this series, I rewrite live Facebook ads to make them scroll stopping, eye-catching, and click-grabbing.
Context:
Lead magnet Ad for a Breath Coach
Original Ad:
It is my mission to help people.
A life with more energy, an amazing health regardless of your age, full focus, enough money and getting as much out of life as possible.
This takes on average less than 10 minutes of your morning.
I have reached over 1 million people on Youtube and I travel the world training thousands of people in breathing techniques, cold exposure, and spine correcting exercises.
I hope that I can learn you how to control your breath!
Headline: Free 5-day TT mini course
Description: When you master your breathing You will master your body You will master your mind You will master your life Sign up for free now!
Score:
Flow ❌
Empathy ❌
Clarity ❌
Believability ✅
Verbiage ❌
My Version:
Want to live a life with more energy, amazing health, and full focus?
You probably already know how morning exercise is an absolute must to achieve that...
And let's face it...
Perhaps you don't know what exercises to do or how to correctly do them...
Or maybe you don't have the tools required to start your day stress free.
But here is the thing...
If we're not doing things the right way, our mind & our body is fighting a losing battle...
We feel stressed, tired, and severely anxious.
Wouldn't you want to help yourself with the right advice and effective tools?
That's exactly where '5 Day Breathing FREE Mini Course' can help.
Hi, my name is [name] and I help people start their days the RIGHT way with light breath control exercises.
So they can live life with more energy & focus, amazing health, and get the most of their days as possible.
By leveraging my years of learning from the Masters, I will teach you exactly how to start your day that'll take less than 10 minutes of your morning.
And when you master your breathing...
You'll master your body, mind, and your life.
Don't wait for those stress levels to increase before taking action. Grab the '5 Day Breathing Mini Course' for FREE.
Click the link below to take advantage of this opportunity.
P.S. Oh, and it doesn't matter if you don't have a fixed morning routine. This actually gives you a head start on others because you won't have to unlearn your old habits.
Headline: FREE 5 Day Breathing Mini Course
Description: Learn the exercises for a better morning and a better life
What Changed:
For a start, the focus needs to be on the reader. Not on the fact that Coach has a YouTube channel.
Second, if you're gonna list 5 benefits of your product/service, make it in bullets. Or 3 in a sentence.
Third, we empathize with the reader by talking about their struggles.
Fourth, the P.S. targets include another audience as well.
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