Note: As ads are used to drive traffic to your website where you capture email addresses. It is important to write persuasive ads that get the click. In this series, I rewrite live Facebook ads to make them scroll stopping, eye-catching, and click-grabbing.
Context:
This ad is for an online coaching consultant
Original Ad:
Building a coaching business in midlife to make a difference and fund your retirement? Need help filling your programs so you can consistently reach your monthly revenue goal?
Give me a few minutes, and I’ll show you the 3 elements of an irresistible coaching offer that attracts the right clients and saves you tons of time and effort.
I’m [name], [name of the business]. I’ve helped 100s of people like you find fulfillment and make your life’s biggest contribution by building a coaching business that makes a difference while you make a living.
Drop a comment below, and I’ll share the complete [product name] in your Messenger (no email required and a no-pitch promise).
Don’t die with the difference only you can make still inside you. It’s time to live your legacy.
Score:
Flow ✅
Empathy ❌
Clarity ✅
Believability ❌
Verbiage ✅
My Version:
Building a coaching business in mid-life is stressful - whether it is hitting your revenue goals or marketing your service...
You probably already know...
Getting great results isn't down to churning out content or learning new tech or even spending on ads.
It's possible with one thing only - CLARITY!
And this is what you get with [product name].
Hi, my name is [name], and I have helped hundreds of coaches define the difference only they can make...
And turn it into a fulfilling part-time coaching business that funds their retirement.
“[name] reminded me of my true essence. He helped me gain clarity and crystallize the idea for finding and serving my tribe. What a gift! I’m thrilled with the results I achieved.” ~ name
Drop a comment below, and I’ll share the complete [product name] in your Messenger (no email required and a no-pitch promise).
Headline: I want clarity in my coaching business
What Changed:
Not much. Except the original ad had a weak lead.
It started with a run-on sentence i.e. hard to read in a single breath. So I broke it down in an easy to read manner.
Second, I added an NLP command. Hard to spot if you don’t know what it is.
Third, the original ad copy didn’t agitate the problem. It only nudged at it which is not enough.
Fourth, to make the ad more believable, I added a testimonial (optional).
The CTA remains the same. As it was clear & concise.
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